There's a shadow just behind me
Shrouding every step I take
Making every promise empty
Pointing every finger at me

Waiting like the stalking butler
Whom upon the finger rests
Murder now the path called "must we"
Just because the Son has come

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but what's past and done?
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but what's past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well

I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down

Mother Mary, won't you whisper
Something but what's past and done?
Mother Mary, won't you whisper
Something but what's past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave

Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me
Trust me

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over

I want what I want
I want what I want
I want what I want
I want what I want

It was just one lil thing,
one lil thing that made her explode
one lil thing it was really nothing at all
nothing at all when it's seen on it's own
nothing at all just the sum of it's parts
the last lil straw on a camels young back
one lil straw she collapsed from for that
it's not always the thing
it's the poison it makes
when added together with other mistakes
one lil thing pushed down oh so deep
churning and burning and always growing
one lil thing after another with you never knowing
but she can feel the posion seep in
tainting her mind, burning her skin.
She cries every night
she tries to forget
it's her burden to bear
it's the price she must pay
things adding up day after day
she wants to let go, she wants it to stop
but the poison is pushing it's way out the top

So last night my ex (who is still my roommate) comes home and tells me two things that are making me scared to death. 1st more then likely he will be loosing his job at the end of this month. Apparently his boss has let him know that unless his job performance improves significantly in the next month (and she don't see that happening considering his job history) he will no longer have a job with them. The second thing he told me is that he's been offered the available room with a group of his D&D friends if he can find a new job within the next month. He wants to move, i can't say i don't want him too.. i just don't know how i'm going to be able to pays the bills... things are happening a lot faster then i had wanted them too.. time to go into overdrive and untangle my life from his. Also time to slow down and double and triple check all the facts, make sure it wasn't all talk. I can do this, i'm not alone in this, and knowing that helps...

-so ya.... Happy New Year..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

I'm so done with 2009. 2009 hurt.. hurt bad. I'm hoping that 2010 brings a bit more happy to my life.. goodbye 2009, may you take the hurt and pain with you as you go. May this new year bring joy and hope and lots less hurt...

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger


-I find this song oddly romantic

A last fire will rise behind those eyes
Black house will rock, blind boys don't lie
Immortal fear, that voice so clear
Through broken walls, that scream I hear

Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

Blue masquerade, strangers look on
When will they learn this loneliness?
Temptation heat beats like a drum
Deep in your veins, I will not lie

Little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

My Shangri-Las
I can't forget
Why you were mine
I need you now

Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

Daniel and i are moving Thursday and this weekend. I was wondering if anyone can help Daniel this weekend? We need to know when to rent a U-haul for the big stuff. If you can help please let us know! Thanks.

sometimes i just want to make "home"

*thinks* i wonder if daniel would be happier if he were drinking as much as i am right now?
though i'm not drinking to drown my sorrows or nuthing, just drinking for that fun happy feeling you get in the "i'll remember this in the morning but i don't care" phase....

(i heard this joke on the radio today, i know it's not respectful but it works)

so i heard Michael Jackson didn't really die from a heart attack. It was food poisoning...
He ate a 9year old weiner.


((Though in all seriousness i hope He finds the peace He couldn't find in life in death. And may his family fine peace as well))